At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
