I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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