Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
