he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
