true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
