ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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