The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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