There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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