First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
