So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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