smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
