I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
