No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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