I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My dick has a subreddit
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
