Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need water and some morals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
