Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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