You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
