Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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