you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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