Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
