This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
