How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
