She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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