my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
