so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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