we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
