the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
