sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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