i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
