I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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