Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
