i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
