if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she pinky promised me she was 18
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
