blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
