He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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