dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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