This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
