i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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