she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
