I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The air taste purple.
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