I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
