haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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