I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
