I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
