70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
