i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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