We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
