is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
