Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
