So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
