The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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