i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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