Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
