i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize