Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
