Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
