Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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