This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
