Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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